ADVENTURE: Burn it to the Ground- An Elemental Adventure

*The scene opens upon our two adventurers as they ride swiftly over the rolling plains of Nagrand. Rastel is leading, working hard to keep her Charger in control as they skirt the edge of the massive chasm to their right. Indraste's Stormsaber misjudges a rock, leaps too far, and comes inches from falling into oblivion. He skids awkwardly to a halt, sending the Druid flying over his head into the expanse. Rastel hauls her Charger to a standstill.*

Rastel: "Indy? INDY!"

*The landscape is quiet, save for a few gusts of wind. Rastel dismounts hurredly and runs to the edge of the cliff, armor clanking loudly. She kneels and peers over.*

"INDY!"

*Suddenly a large grey bird flies up from the crevasse, doing a gleeful loop before landing next to the Paladin. The air shimmers, and the bird becomes a smugly smiling Indraste. Rolls of fog puff away from her knees. Rastel scowls.*

Indraste: *mutters* "You know, the Cenarion Circle could have filled these damn things in when they "healed the land".
Rastel: "Stop being such a showoff! I was worried!"
Indraste: "What? This is the first time since we got here that you haven't had to resurrect me from the pieces left behind when I fell into one of these Fel things, and you're actually complaining?"
Rastel: "You couldn't just, you know...land. You had to do that swoopy thing!"
Indraste "I needed to slow down for my descent so I don't end up breaking my bones anyway! Though I suppose you don't know much about flying, do you?"
Rastel: "...blasted Druid."
Indraste: "It's your fault anyway, Paladin. You're the one making my Saber go faster than he's supposed to!"
Rastel: "Fine, fine! I'll stop, I'll stop! And the next time you go falling into a huge hole, I'll laugh and keep going!"
Indraste: "Finally."

*Indraste remounts her Stormsaber and chastises it soundly for making her plummet off the edge of yet another pit. Rastel considers telling Indraste she'd have much better luck staying mounted if her saddle weren't so ridiculously huge, but thinks better of it. The pair continue toward their destination at a much more reasonable pace.*

Indraste: "I think I see the village."
Rastel: "Why are we supposed to burn it down, again?"
Indraste: "Because a fire elemental told us to."
Rastel: "And you have no problem with that?"
Indraste: "I like fire."
Rastel: "...of course."

*The villagers don't seem to want their homes burnt down. The pair are attacked at the outskirts, and have to fight their way in to the first building.*
Rastel: "Okay, so how do we do this?"
Indraste: "We use this stick. It's supposed to set fire to everything."
Rastel: "...We get to keep that, right?"

*Indraste raises the stick into the air. There is a crackling sound which singnals the arrival of the smallest fire elemental they have ever seen. The Druid squees in joy.*
Indraste: "Rasty, look! It's so cute!"
Elemental: "Reth Reth Reth"
Rastel: "Indy, it's time to back up now."

*Flames lick the wooden floors around the elemental, and begin to creep up the walls. It begins to zip back and forth across the interior of the hut.*
Elemental: "Reth Reth Reth"
Indraste: "EEEE!"
Rastel: "Indraste, NOW."

*He hauls her out of the hut just as beams begin to crumble overhead. Large flames lick out over both stories of the building, and in seconds it has been completely destroyed. The elemental is nowhere to be seen. Indraste shapeshifts into cat form and bounds happily to the next building. Rastel is barely there before the elemental has been summoned again.*
Indraste: "Rastel, I want one. We need to keep this stick."
Rastel: "Indy, I don't think we get the money if we don't give the stick back."
Indraste: "I don't care."
Rastel: "Yes, I've noticed you don't care about money. It's why we never have any. And yet you seem to have a great interest in food and water."

*Flames begin their dangerous crawl across the floor.*
Indraste: "Well, I'm sorry I'm not so focused on the collection of shiny metal bits as you humans are. I guess I've had a couple hundred years of perspective."
Rastel: "Focused on the collection, no, but as soon as there's a chance to spend it, you have no issue there!"
Elemental: "Reth Reth Reth"
Indraste: "Look out!"

*The Druid leaps at the Paladin. Their impact makes a solid clanking noise and sends them falling out the door and down the steps. They land with bruised shins and ringing ears from what sounded like eight junkboxes bouncing down with them. Rastel inspects her armor angrily.*
Rastel: "You dented it!"

*Indraste points back the way they came, and Rastel turns to look just as the second hut collapses in upon itself. The Paladin instantly stops complaining.*
Indraste: "Right, to the third hut then."

*The third hut is destroyed with no issue. Indraste appears to want to say something to the elemental, but never does. They approach the fourth hut and use the stick again.*
Elemental: "Reth Reth Re-"
Indraste: "Excuse, me, Mr Elemental?"

*It pauses and turns to look up at them*
Rastel: "Indy..."
Indraste: "I was wondering if there was any way I could convince you to come adventuring with us after we're done burning down this village?

*Its flaming eyes glint impassively*
Rastel: "Indy."
Indraste: "Honestly, I'd love to have you along. Not only are you absolutely adorable, but you seem very useful. I haven't had a hot bath in forever, you see, and-"
Rastel: "INDRASTE, ENOUGH."

*It appears to be too late. The elemental swells until it is twice their size, causing the flames around it to increase exponentially in size. The air grows sickeningly hot.*
Elemental: "RETH RETH RETH RETH RETH"
Rastel: "Indraste, run!"

*The duo flee for the edge of the village, flames licking at their heels. Soon the entire area has been incinerated, but the fire shows no sign of dying out.*
Rastel: "By the Light, Druid, why did you have to go and do that?"
Indraste: "What! What did I do? I didn't do-"

*She lets out a sound that resembles a squawk and leaps into the air. A grey bird soon takes her place, latches on to Rastel's shoulders, and begins to frantically beat her wings in a struggle to get them both airborne. As she is pulled upward, Rastel sees a huge wall of flame moving determinedly towards where they were standing moments before."
Rastel: "You stupid bird! You stupid, stupid bird! Fly faster!"
Indraste: "You're the one that has to wear plate! I am doing the best I can!"

*Minutes later, the pair are standing on a floating island, looking down at the land. The air is growing increasingly smokier as the grassland is eaten by the ever-growing mass of fire spreading out from Windyreed Village. Talbuks are fleeing in terror for the mountains, moving by the hundreds away from the flames. A quarter of the zone is already completely engulfed. Neither speaks for some time.*
Rastel: "The Cenarion Circle can't possibly have sent you to help us. Are you some sort of Druidic practical joke?"
Indraste: "I don't see what the big deal is. If we fixed it once, we can do it again! In a couple hundred years this place will be good as new!"
Rastel: "....a couple...hundred years..."

*Looking rather pale, Rastel slumps over onto the ground. Indraste studies her for a moment."
Indraste: "Do...do you want some beer?"

*Wordlessly, the Paladin holds out a hand.*

Had the stick actually been able to set fire to "anything in the environment" like the tooltip said, this probably would have actually happened. For more adventures of Indraste and Rastel, click here.

ADVENTURE: Terrokarantula Must Die!- An Adventure with Alcohol

*The scene opens to a barren wasteland. Corpses and bleached bones scatter the landscape, hinting at the ancient battle that once took place here. The sunlight filters diffusely down from the sky through the fine film of dust that hovers in the air. Soon a Night Elf Druid and a Human Paladin bcome visible as they guide their mounts cautiously towards a ridge of trees.*
Indraste: "Are you sure we have to do this? I hate spiders."
Rastel: "Stop being such a sissy. Aren't you supposed to be several hundred years old?"
Indraste: "Look, do I make fun of your issues? I had a bad experience in a cave a while back."

*Indraste pales, then rummages around in her bag and produces what looks to be a keg of Aerie Peak Ale, takes a swig, and then drops it back in. Rastel stares for a moment, then frowns.*
Rastel: "How did you get that in there?"
Indraste: "Magic."
Rastel: "No, really."
Indraste: "Seriously. It's an Imbued Netherweave Bag. I used Tailoring and Enchanting to make it, so it really is magic. And you have no idea how much stuff this thing can hold. I've fit entire Bone Worm carcasses in here!"
Rastel: "Clearly I have been missing out. Where did you get that beer, anyway?"

*Indraste searches through her pack again before producing a garish red sombrero.*
Indraste: "See this hat?"
Rastel: "Yeah, I saw the dwarf give that to you. So what?"
Indraste: "I can pull beer out of it."

*There is a long pause, broken only by their mounts shifting restlessly underneath them.*
Rastel: "You can pull beer...out of a hat."
Indraste: "Yes! Here, try it."

*Rastel reaches in cautiously, then pulls out a skin of lager. She stares at it in surprise before handing it to Indraste wordlessly. The druid attaches it to her saddlehorn, then gets her Stormsaber walking again. After a moment, Rastel follows on her Charger.*
Rastel: "Has anyone ever told you you're insane?"
Indraste: "So I have a beer hat. We've seen stranger things. Anyway, we have more important things to talk about, such as why the Fel we're doing this?"
Rastel: "Look, you said you wanted money. We kill the big spider, we get money. It's a rather simple economic concept, Indy."
Indraste: "Yes, but it's that adjective that's bothering me. "Big." How big is "big," exactly?"
Rastel: "Probably as big as any of the others."
Indraste: "Yeah, but the guy who's paying us is a Draenei. He's taller than I am!"
Rastel: "Indy, look. You heal, I poke the spider with a stick, it dies, we move on. No discussion needs to be involved here. And, might I add, had you not spent our entire fortune on that stupid hawk-thing that's been following you around when I left you alone with the bags in Shattrath for all of five minutes, we wouldn't have to do this at all."
Indraste: "...He needed me."
Rastel: "And did the vendor really need every last silver we had to our names?"
Indraste: "The money made me feel dirty."
Rastel: "Oh, now that's ironic. Just split up and search for the damned thing, will you? It's in a cave somewhere on this ridge."

*Grumbling something about a druid named Leesa'Oh, the druid veers right, spurring her mount over a fallen tree to avoid a stand of cobwebs. It roars in protest. The paladin goes the other way, ignoring the webbing completely. A thorough exploration of the ridge in her direction reveals no cave, so she about-faces and returns to find Indraste. After a few minutes ride she comes across her companion, sprawled on the ground, with both the skin of lager and the keg of ale empty and cast aside.*
Rastel: "Oh, this is peachy. What are you doing?"
Indraste: "Agh, shorry. I hate shpidersh. Ran into one, had to kill it."
Rastel: "..Were you drunk before or after you ran into it?"
Indraste: "Hee, before, I think...hic!"
Rastel: "Well, at least I know you can still fight, then. Come here."

*Rastel hoists the drunk Elf onto her back and hauls her awkwardly up the ridge toward what looks like a cave opening.*
Rastel: "If you're going to get this drunk, you could at least take some Noggenfogger beforehand and make yourself either lighter or shorter!"
Indrate: "Shu'p, I'm jusht like a greatshword...hic! Don't you humansh shpecialize in shwordshmanship?"
Rastel: "I'm propping you against this tree so you can still cast. Just make sure you hold still do your spells don't fail, okay Indy? I think the spider is in--HOLY LIGHT!"

*As she speaks, a set of massive red spider legs become visible over the treetops. The body they are attached to casts a shadow over the ground before them as the Terrokarantula crawls by.*
Indraste: "Oh! Ish not that big! Thought it would be bigger!"
Rastel: "What are you talking about! That thing is enormous! We're gonna die!"
Indraste: "Nah, ish fine. I can ssholo that if you want...hic!"
Rastel: "Okay, you've clearly had too much to drink. Indraste, LOOK!"
Indraste: "No, ish not shcary at all!"
Rastel: "What happened to I had a bad experience a while back'?"
Indraste: "That spider wash bigger."
Rastel: "Indraste, there is no spider ever, in the history of you, that is bigger than this one. Now look!"

*As she speaks, she casts a cleansing spell on Indraste, who quickly becomes sober again. The druid looks up and becomes several shades paler than she already is.*
Indraste: "Oh, Elune! That thing is enormous!"
Rastel: "In the future, less beer for you. Now keep me healed, please?"

*The druid nods mutely to Rastel, who charges in before she can lose her nerve.*

Inspired by true events. Apparently alchohol makes mobs look several levels lower than they actually are, so Rastel and I got into a huge argument about it before fighting the Terrokarantula. For more adventures of Rastel and Indraste, click here.

ADVENTURE: Save the Sporelings! - A Shroomland Adventure with Leesa'Oh

*The camera pans in over a gigantic mushroom tree and zooms in on our two adventurers, idly crossing a bridge on their new epic mounts. Indraste's Stormsaber roars, almost as if it could on cue... *

Indraste: "Where are we heading, again? The scenery is beautiful, but I think the spores might be getting to me."
Rastel: "We're supposed to find Watcher Leesa'Oh at the Cenarion Watchpost. That Draenei back there said we just follow this road."
Indraste: "Well, we've BEEN following this road!"
Rastel: "You of all people should know that druids are insane and enjoy living in hermitage."
Indraste: "...*mutters* we don't always..."
Rastel: "Hey, it's not like I've ever SEEN your home!"
Indraste: "That's because you're too lazy to take a boat."
Rastel: "If by 'boat' you mean a series of gryphons, two boats, and a portal..."
Indraste: "Oh, look, a tent!"

*The companions had almost overshot a small brown lean-to assembled haphazardly at the side of the road. If it weren't for the pacing Nightsaber, they might have missed it completely. A druid dressed in full Wildheart greets them absentmindedly. Something about "Buddy," which appears to be the name of Leesa'Oh's saber.*

Indraste: ("Buddy?"No wonder the cat is pacing angrily.")
Rastel: ("Hush.") Hello, Leesa'Oh? Lethyn Moonfire told us you could use some help."
Watcher Leesa'Oh: "Oh, certainly! We need to learn all that we can of the sporelings at Sporeggar and their relationship to the creatures around them. One way to do that is what I'm doing; passive observation while making a note of their interactions. I need you to head over to the Spawning Glen down the path to the northwest. Investigate the whole area and then return to tell me what you saw."
Indraste: "...Okay then."

*Indraste and Rastel head off down the road in search of the Spawning Glen and find an area full of bilious sacs. A bunch of giants are running to and fro, killing tiny...humanoids...*
Indraste: "What the Fel are those?"
Rastel: "My guess would be "sporelings." They're kinda cute!"
Indraste: "I prefer my fungi to be non-bipedal, thanks."
Rastel: "Let's just GO already."

*They make the rather short trek back to the tent and inform Leesa'Oh of the creatures in the glen.*

Watcher Leesa'Oh: "I was wondering why the bog lords were crossing the road to go to the Spawning Glen - they must be starving for some reason. This just will not do! I mean, normally I wouldn't get involved, but if they continue to eat all of the sporeling pods they'll wipe them out! Here's what we'll do: I'll stay here and you head to the Quagg Ridge to the east and look for dietary clues as to why they're raiding the sporelings."
Rastel: "...Alright. We'll be right back."

*Remounted, they head off down the road. The camera zooms in to Indraste, looking pensive."
Indraste: "Rasty, if she's been standing there watching the bog lords enter the glen, why didn't she go look for herself?"
Rastel: "Maybe she's worried about going alone?"
Indraste: "You saw her armor. Wildheart can be very hard to obtain. Baron Rivendare stole the Kilt a ways back, and she had to have gone through him to get it. No, she's got very little to worry about. So why are we doing all the legwork?"
Rastel: *exasperated* "Because she has gold that we want! Now shut up!"

*Silence surrounds them until, cresting a hill, they see their quarry. Mounds of rotting mushrooms are strewn across the glade, and half-crazed giants roam about aimlessly.*
Rastel: "That is what she means by 'discarded nutriment'? Okay, this is kind of gross."
Indraste: "So, you still feel good about a random druid asking you to haul ten putrid slices of shroomflesh back across the road? Your pack is going to smell for weeks."
Rastel: "Not if I make you carry it all."
Indraste: "You try, and you feel the moonfire."

*Gritting their teeth, the pair gathers up their unsavory loot and runs as quickly as possible back to the druid on the road. When they arrive, a gnome is standing at the encampment, receiving a suspiciously similar speech to the one they just got. He says yes, as well, and runs off the way they just came. The pair approach the druid once he is out of sight.*
Indraste: "Here's your 'Discarded Nutriment.'"
Watcher Leesa'Oh: "Yes, that's it, I knew I had seen this particular phylum of mushroom elsewhere in the marsh! To the north is a place known as the Hewn Bog. Odd name for the place if you ask me, but I've never been there. I'll need samples of those mushrooms to confirm my hypothesis. Just be careful, you two. I'd heard that ogres have moved in to the area, so you'll have to get the samples from them. Could that be why the bog lords are no longer going there for their food?"
Indraste: "You know, if you've never been there, perhaps you should broaden your horizons and get the he--"
Rastel: "WE'LL JUST BE HEADING OUT NOW, won't we, Indy?"

*A haze materializes in the air over Indraste, who appears to be trying very hard not to shapeshift into bear form. Rastel hauls her back to her mount, grabs it by the reins, and gets them both back on the path. After a few minutes of riding, the haze subsides.*

Rastel: "Look, Indy. We're almost done. Do you realize how much money we've made already?"
Indraste: "I just can't help but wonder about the gnome she sent off, though. How many people does she have working for her? She's already given us eight gold..."
Rastel: "So what? You night elves think too much."
Indraste: "It's because we don't die in seven decades like humans. Gives us more time to develop those critical thinking skills."
Rastel: "...Hag."
Indraste: "Manbear would be a much more appropriate term. Oh, thank Elune. I think I see an ogre."
Rastel: "I'm not actually sure I'm thankful for having to see them, in all honesty."

*They are quickly spotted by a fat single-headed ogre with an axe. He charges towards them, belly bouncing merrily over the top of his loincloth."
Ogre: "You no take mushroom!"

*Rastel falls off her mount, laughing hysterically, as Indraste shifts into bear form and takes the ogre head on. The battle is slow, but the ogre inevitably dies. After scrounging through the massive corpse's pockets, they discover that this particular beast didn't have a single scrap of food on him. They attack and fell another ogre, and another, but none of them seem to have any mushrooms.*
Indraste: "HOW CAN ALL OF YOU BE SO FAT IF YOU DON'T EAT?! GAAAAH!"
Rastel: "Oooh, wait! This one has one!"

*Hours later the pair are soaked from running around the marsh, covered in ogre blood and exhausted from hacking and slashing through countless warm bodies. They remount doggedly and begin the long trip back to the Watcher's tent.*
Rastel: "I didn't think druids were advocates of genocide. I mean, I hate ogres, but what we did back there feels a little dirty."
Indraste: *twich* "That's what happens when you don't carry your mushrooms on you! Fucking fat useless ogres!"
Rastel: "...Indy..."
Indraste: "Gonna KILL Leesa'Oh! I got a new feral ability I haven't tried, it's called Maim, and it sounds like a really good thing to know how to do right about now!"
Rastel: "Indy, why don't you stay right here and take a little nap, okay? I'll go talk to the nice druid."
Indraste: "#!$#%#$!@**"

*Rastel approaches Leesa'Oh's tent alone, noting that the gnome is back, as is a dwarf. She waits politely until they are done before approaching.*
Rastel: "Here are those mushroom samples you wanted."
Watcher Leesa'Oh: "Rastel, I've got an idea. I want you to head north again, this time into the heart of ogre territory! Northwest of the Hewn Bog there is a place named Ango'rosh Stronghold, which sits on a floating island across a large mushroom bridge. The ogres must be storing the harvested mushrooms there. I bet you'll find them all over the place, and probably on the ogres themselves, too! Bring me a sufficient number and I will try to do something about providing the bog lords with a new source of nourishment."
Rastel: "...what counts as a "sufficient number?"
Watcher Leesa'Oh: "Oh, 10 boxes each."

*Hand clasped tightly on the hilt of her massive sword, Rastel stalks off stiffly to the patch of grass where she left Indraste, who is in cat form, asleep. She appears to have fallen asleep stealthed, because she keeps flickering in and out of view as she breathes.*
Rastel: "Indy, wake up."
Indraste: "Oh, you look angry. What did she want now?"
Rastel: "Mushrooms. Ten boxes of mushrooms off those ogres we just obliterated."
Indraste: "I have a better idea. You know why she never leaves her spot? That tent is full of gold. It has to be. Now what would you rather do, kill a billion more ogres and haul crates halfway across the zone, or kill the most obnoxious druid in Outland and make off with her stash?"
Rastel: "Indraste, contain yourself! You're a druid, and I am a paladin!"

*Indraste makes no response except a very toothy grin before she fades back out of view.*
Rastel: "Felweed, she's gonna get herself killed. I have to intervene to save a friend in need!"

*The duo converge on Watcher Leesa'Oh. Indraste gets her in the back with a stun, then reverts to elf form and sends Starfire raining on her head. Rastel impales her through the stomach with her greatsword...in self-defense, of course. Soon the druid is dead and her tent has been cleared. As predicted, it was practically overflowing with money.*
Indraste: "Its a shame, really."
Rastel: "What, the fact that we just commited murder and robbery?"
Indraste: "No, that you had to ruin her chestpiece."
Rastel: "It was soulbound, anyway."
Indraste: "She's dead, Rastel. Trust me, it's not soulbound anymore."

*Remounted, the two adventures ride west into the sunset, headed for the Terrokar border. After a moment's pause, Buddy follows gleefully.*

All Leesa'Oh text taken directly from the quests. I hate her so much.